Challenged by my challenges

Two months ago, I took on the one task that most people thought was laughable: reducing my intake of Diet Coke.

But that wasn't all. I also swore off eating out, added sugar, seconds and processed food, all in the name of exploring what it's like to live without.

On the surface, I failed miserably. I went out with my coworkers a few times for lunch; I admittedly stress-ate (on multiple occasions); I even had a (gasp!) Eggo waffle or two with syrup.

But here's the deal. I really came out O.K.

Not only did I drop 12 pounds in the process, but I also learned a few things about myself. I can actually change my habits if persistent enough (my soda consumption is down 25 percent, and I'm hoping to eventually pare it back more). I'm learning to find other ways to deal with my stress, and while they're not foolproof, they are alternatives that I'm sure I'll need to turn to in the coming months.

I've gotten to know myself a little bit better these last few months, and the reality is sometimes, other things in life take priority. Right now, my family's welfare is taking center stage, as we're approaching the start of month six of my husband being without full-time work. We need prayers, people who support us through our stress, and, ultimately, a paycheck, and that trumps little things like questioning the perfection of every item that touches your lips.

I guess you could say I'm challenged all around by our challenges, both fun and not-so-fun. But realizing where you're starting at is the first step to making changes.

Breaking up is hard to do

It's official. It's over. I think.

Like a bad breakup, ending my long-term relationship with Diet Coke is no easy task. Twenty or so years is not a short stretch.

It reminds me of my senior year in high school, when I attempted to break up with my boyfriend Dave over the course of the entire year. Only this is more painful.

Everywhere I turn, I'm reminded of how much I need it. To get going in the morning after a tough night of toddlers and teething. To stay motivated during a hectic day or concentrating after an hour of staring at site maps for the Web site. To sip during a conversation with a good friend, or just enjoy because. Warm or cold, but especially enjoyed on a tall glass of ice, Diet Coke is my companion. I've even been accused of being the spokesperson once or twice!

I've tried giving it up before. I recall vividly a particularly harsh weekend my freshman year in college, when my friends wouldn't let a sip touch my lips. I crashed hard, was cranky, and the experiment was never repeated. I still don't know that I've totally forgiven them.

So why now?

Because I had a bad week.

See, I once again talked the talked but failed to walk the walk about trying to cut back on my Diet Coke consumption of four cans a day. I've made some change, like getting rid of my daily trip to Speedway (with #5 plastic cups) and plastic bottles, but I still hadn't broken the real culprit: the drink itself. Each day, I start with great intentions, only to trip up on the same bad habits.

And then a couple of things happened this week. First, I realized I was wasting about $500 a year on Diet Coke. That's a lot of money under normal circumstances, let alone when your spouse is unemployed. Regardless of the sale prices I'm able to score, I just can't justify it anymore.

Second, I had a particularly stressful week and a 12-pack at my desk at work. Bad combination. I sucked it down fast. And when I actually had a moment when my heart was racing (I think around can 5 or 6 that day), I realized this has got to stop. The 12-pack at work was gone, not to be replaced.

Thursday, I had two cans, the first that I didn't touch until I couldn't take it anymore at 10 a.m. The painkiller wasn't helping the headaches anymore.

Friday, I had four or five. Two at work, one to destress and two while socializing at a friends. (I realize how sad it is - it is almost like I rationalize it like an alcholic might!)

Today, I have had two to manage my searing headache. I'm trying not to touch it again. In fact, the ice tea bags are getting set out onto the counter.

So now I'm going to start trying with a little more fervor. And I'm anxious for any tips to help me make the transition. Pray for me! It's not going to be an easy breakup.

Discretionary challenge midway point

If calories burned are more than calories in, you lose weight. That is the one good, tangible thing about this discretionary eating challenge: I finally broke through a post-baby plateau.

I am halfway through Chili's discretionary eating challenge and I set several lofty and possibly unobtainable goals for myself:

• Avoiding restaurants, take-out, prepared deli foods, and frozen meals.
• Avoiding highly processed and refined food stripped of its nutrients.
• Avoiding sugary foods and drinks.
• Avoiding food eaten after physical hunger is satisfied (or to fix a low blood sugar).
• Watching my caffeine intake. Note I didn’t say significantly reduce!!

Why did I do this to myself? Because if I only aim halfway, I won't put in the effort. And the reality is I go out with great intentions and then backslide.

So how have I been doing? Here are just a few candid observations I've made:

• I'm doing 10 times better at packing lunches for work, but I fail to factor in healthy snacks and have been called to more work-related lunches than I've been to in a long time. I won't call out any coworkers specifically, but apparently our most productive meetings occur at Enzo's Pizza.
• I struggle with breakfasts. It's tough when you've admittedly been dependent on a morning diet of prepackaged oatmeal, containers of yogurt or Eggos. Even harder when a 3 year old demands frozen waffles or cereal most days - you wind up weighing the time demands of extra cooking plus managing a tantrum when the tired one doesn't get what she wants to start the day.
• I have more energy overall, but I'm finding my Diet Coke habit is directly correlated with Olympic coverage and teething.
• I could kill for some really good dark chocolate. Good thing no one's brought any into the office!
• Is it me, or does everything have added sugar or artificial sweeteners in them?
• It's a challenge to explain to my husband that I really don't need dinner after a late meeting. He's sees a diabetic; I know I'm not hungry,

I admit it's difficult to see the impacr of a few less envelopes of prepackaged oatmeal or one less soda. But, it's all about a growing awareness of what we produce.

Notes on the unemployment diet

I'm on the unemployment diet, I have joked to my friends. Eating out is out. Staying in is, for better or worse, in.

During the last three months I've been acutely aware as to how discretionary spending does or does not impact they way we eat. I've been guilty far too many times recently, in trying to save money, of eating leftover bagels or treats in the breakroom instead of a "real" lunch on days when morning meetings prohibited me from carrying my meal.

I've realized how too easy it is to fall into eating traps and why it's so easy for those who are poor to become obese.

Simply, it's cheap to eat crap. For $1, I can buy a burger at McDonald's, which has protein and some carbs. Or I can buy a box of processed macaroni and (powdered) cheese. Or, I can spend $1 on an apple, which does have fiber but will largely burn off quickly. Two dollars will buy a package of hot dogs or 1/2 pound of cheese.

Granted, snacks become an equalizer. I can spend $2 on a pound of baby carrots, or $2.50 on a bag of potato chips these days. But what if you're in an area where fresh produce isn't accessible? Many impoverished areas of this country simply don't have great produce available in their stores.

It's sad. You may "save" cash, but you feel worse, as I can attest. I made sure my children ate healthy, but I put myself off to save money. I was exhausted, my blood sugars were erratic and I was cranky.

After about a month of living that way and a visit to my physician, who never even questioned my diet (being a working mom with two little ones was an easy answer), I looked at ways to help myself feel better. And I decided investing in myself was just as important as watching what my kids ate, even if money was tight.

The reality is you still can eat healthy while on a budget. It just takes a little more work.

Sunday, I spent three hours chopping, freezing and cooking food. I made up a week's worth of lunches, made fajita kits, chopped green beans for dinners and freezing and made a homemade dinner. And yes, I was tired of cooking and was thrilled the next night when my husband cooked.

Day to day, it requires a little planning, attention to what's in season and buying what's on sale. We'll shop based on what we get in our weekly CSA share and at the farm stand first, then fill in from there.

• I may not be able to have dried mangoes or papaya for my daughter's afternoon snack, but she loves apples, blueberries and oranges. In fact, I give her a bag to let her "shop" and select her own fruit and vegetables at some stands.
• I may not be buying jarred pasta sauces, but I can toss pasta with tomatoes and herbs fresh from our container garden.
• I may cringe at the cost of baby food, but I can cook and blend my own from the random items in my CSA shares. (And frankly, those are the most gobbled up!)
• I may go meatless for several days, but we'll also enjoy steak or fish on occasion when we see a good price.

It's work, but I'm starting finally to feel like me again. Who knows, maybe someday I'll feel good enough to drop my Diet Cokes.