I miss seeing the ground. I miss not slipping and falling in my work parking lot. I miss being able to go outside without 17 layers of clothes and my parka on.
And while I want to see "green" outside, I admit I struggle to think it.
The fact I've battled bugs and exhaustion for three months (whether it's parenting, stress or health remains to be resolved) doesn't help. I stare at the grocery ads, wondering what I quickly can do to make it through the week. I shelve out for mac and cheese microwavable bowls because it's a good deal (and thankfully could cash in when I was barely able to stand). I go through roll after roll of paper towels while cleaning up after my suddenly clutzier older child and my toddler's tantrums. And I wonder, as I'm lugging bags of bottles, cans and newspapers home from the office in the snow, what am I thinking?
While I've admittedly cut back on my green adventures for now, another season awaits. Sometimes we can't put our whole effort into everything. And this is one of those times.
Not every moment of our lives is - or should be - about doing. Sometimes we need a little quietness in our lives. I was reminded that today by a friend of mine, and while she was talking of her faith, the same concept applies. No matter what the aspect of our lives, we cannot keep going at 100 miles an hour. We have to rest. We have to recharge. We have to reflect.
So these recent weeks, while I've been passing the environmental buck, I've been taking baby steps to plan and consider the coming spring and summer. I've been researching how we can make the most of gardening in our small lot, from companion gardening to making the most of our seasons. I've been trying to rework the contents of our home, like reorganizing my children's closets, really looking at our hand-me-downs, and offering to charity what we truly cannot use. No child needs 15 shirts.
And, most importantly, I'm being forced to finally listen to my body and recharge myself. I hope you are able to do the same.
This is my contribution to the February APLS carnival on Winter Motivation. It’s not too late to join us! E-mail your posts to goinggreenmama at gmail dot com by Feb. 22. We’ll post the highlights here on Feb. 24.